Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest,
in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation withYiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die,
your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an
indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning
and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
The things you could do with these words are endless, here are just some off the top of my head and it is not cause I have nothing better to with my time.
So I Guess Jait feels flabbergasted and been forced to abdicate. You knew this one was coming as I much I know a slap round the back of my head is coming next time I see you.
Lina can make a esplanade without actually drinking and be less coherent than if she had actually drank. This is due a thick layer of Bozone. Lina see second sentence on the paragraph above and replace the word “head” with “Achilles tendon”.
The best testicle I have ever seen was on my driving theory test “You have had over 10 units of alcohol what should you do?” and the options included drive home regardless, have a cup of coffee and then drive home, carry on drinking and sleep in your car and drive home in the morning. Seriously what kind of ignoranus would get this wrong.
Seema has to be the main case study for all scientists studying symptoms and effects of osteopornosis. Don’t deny your dirty tendencies and blame it on me as you always try to do.
It’s gonna have to be warm day in London before beelzebug has a chance of getting me.
Anyways despite my fervent prayer to higher powers for the weather of the dry and not cold variety. It appears that they have not been answered and during my 15 minute ordeal in freezing cold weather of clearing the snow off the car and defrosting the windows so I could actually drive it (while keeping my expletive laden tirade to a reasonably low decibel level), I am left to wonder yet again should I be magnanimous towards gods anonymity towards my prayer. I mean this is just getting ridiculous, not once have one of my prayers been answered………… euro millions lottery win, five day weekends and two working days, a London where everything is charged at a reasonably price. Is it really that unreasonable??? Damn religion has not done anything for me! Then this is usually about the time I realise I’m not religious.
Oh well back to planning my office break so far I have every angle covered other than any idea how I am going to fake a serious injury and no good looking woman doctor to aid me, but other than that I am clearly on my way to paid leave heaven. I do have my TV debut nailed down, on one of those no win, no fee adverts with a truly oscar worthy sob story.
Neil I think you should change your website and add “Featuring special guest blogger John”. I mean this takes me a lot of effort, like at least a good 10 maybe even 11 minutes.
Dude it's probably more enjoyable than that financial control stuff you do in between writing comments! Anyway, I thought of a new one - loophamism - a nice way of saying you're going to have a shit i.e. logarithms, charring one out, etc!
Post a Comment